Thursday, September 25, 2008


Main Entry: ennui
Part of Speech: noun
Synonyms: apathy, blues, boredom, dissatisfaction, doldrums, fatigue, languor, lassitude, listlessness, melancholy, tedium, weariness

Is that what I have? I find myself wanting to do everything, yet doing nothing. I cannot stay engaged in a task for long. If I stay at something for a period of time, I grow weary, tired, my eyes get that "sandman just came" feeling, long before it is time to sleep.

So, I switch to something else, or get up and walk around, or eat (BAD choice!), or click in and out of never-updating bloglines or forums (fora?)(note to self: if you just finished reading a site, clicking into one other place and then back to the first, will most likely NOT bring you to new content.)

But nothing keeps me engaged for long. Is this ennui? Depression? stress? anxiety? apathy? uncertainty? sadness? A little bit of this or that or all of these?

Or is it being overweight and uncomfortable and, apparently, unwilling to change that?

All of the above?

I don't usually share this place in my psyche with the world... but I think I need to do that more often. Perhaps the sharing will help me move away from here and get a little peace, a little motivation, a little concentration.


Robbyn said...

A little of all those thing you listed, I'd guess. Is there someone youj can talk to? A good friend, a counselor, a preist? Sometimes that's all it takes to jog us out of a rut :)

I'm thinking of you!

Cindy said...

You know you can work through alot in the blog. It just feels raw sometimes. I have written entire posts and deleted them because I felt too naked. Still, being overweight is hard (I got it, too), but it is often an excuse to avoid the other painful stuff. If you feel better sorting it out here, do so, but be warned....there are those who know best for you without ever having met you. We all suffer from ennui. It can also be helpful to sit with it awhile without expecting to get "over it" in a hurry. It's part of the human condition. Hang in there.

Booktender said...

Ennui, if done properly, can be a very graceful art. One must dress in very stylish loungewear. Preferably silk or silkish. And wear kitten heeled slippers with maribou at the arch. If one lacks a fainting couch, a regular couch with lots of fancy pillows may be substituted. Recliners are a poor substitute but may be used in a pinch.

A handkerchief, preferably lace, drenched in cologne should be at your side at all times. A box of chocolates and indulgent reading, preferably anything romance should also be at your side.

This stylish repose guarantees a personal "eureka" moment when you discover just what a fantastic and dramatic babe you are.

Then, too, you've had a lot on your plate and the seasons are changing. That'll through you, too.

Booktender said...

Through you????

Throw you